Audi Hamilton Island Race Week is to sailing what Kate Middleton is to the royal family - namely, the hottest and most stylish thing that ever left men trembling in her wake. So what happens at one of the most exclusive weeks on the Australian social calendar? Lots of eating, oodles of schmoozing and a little boating to boot, natch. I headed up to to do a little of all three and as my photo diary proves... it's totally all it's cracked up to be.


Stop: sailing time! The whole island is transformed into a giant Disneyland for grown-ups.


So my room at Qualia... yeah, it was alright, I guess. If you're into six-star luxury.


I make friends quickly. His name is Ralph and he likes sticking his nose in other people's business.


Race week besties: Paula Joye and Kerrie McCallum.


Hamilton Island Yacht Club: pretty much the Sydney Opera House of Queensland.


Selfie taken from my golf buggy... right before I got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt.


Breakfast at Qualia... what, no grey poupon?


Peak hour on Hamo. It's a drag.


Qualia's Pebble Beach is pretty much spectacular to the max.


Collette's show had more colour than a rainbow Paddlepop.


At first I was like, "I get to drive the fifty shades car?!" And then I realised I'm dyslexic and clearly get my numbers and letters mixed up.


My first time 4WD-ing. Smashed it like a Greek plate.


Just a sneaky Kylie Kwong crab. This woman takes banquet to the next level.


She signed copies of her new book after we crabbed. Ms Hoyer's a fan.


This yacht was bigger than my apartment. And had more bedrooms.


WHALES.


Asher Keddie at the Paspaley lunch. Could she be any sweeter? Argh.


See that smear on the plate? That's an actual CRUSHED PASPALEY PEARL.


Packing up all my resort wear to leave Hamilton Island... a grey day.

Will I be back next year? You bet your boat shoes, I will! There's still time to get involved this year if you're in the neighbourhood though - Audi Hamilton Island Race Week goes until Saturday August 25. Check out the schedule here. And for those who asked, all my pics were taken with a Canon G1X which I took up for a spin.